Crazy-O-Meter



I don't want to take this silly test. No, don't force me to take this silly test. This is a silly test! Give me some set of pixels to put my mouse over, for I feel depressed if I even have to look at this silly test! ... now that's better. I like pixels such as these.



Insert the candidate's name here:

1) You are in the train station waiting for your train to arrive, minding your own business. After approximately two tenths of a second pass by, you see a dime lying on the railroad track. Being an unemployed bastard as you are, your lust is instantly directed towards this very object of wealth. While picking the money, however, you hear noise quite different from what you would like to hear, and look behind you. The long awaited train has suddenly decided to make its entrance and lies but a few breaths away from you. What do you do to stay alive?

A) You jump on your stomach against the railroad wishing that the train's clearance is high enough for you to fit under it and have a good time there.
B) You look at your watch, notice that the train is five minutes early, and contact the station staff to make an official complaint about such inconsistency.
C) You try to get the train to stop by showing hand signals that people usually exploit when they try to make a train stop.
D) You quickly make peace with, well, anybody you can contact at such short notice, and pray.

2) On Wednesday 23 January 1991 you saw a black dog. What was her name.

A) Brutus.
B) Sofia.
C) You can't prove that!
D) No it wasn't!
E) Doris.

3) What is the serial number of Saddam Hussein's Cerwin Vega SV-12 speakers?

A) 168045.
B) Saddam has no access to CV speakers because of international trade barriers.
C) There is no such speaker as SV-12.
D) There is no such person as Saddam Hussein.
E) CV-Blow-A-Bomb-12685b.

4) Which one of the options below is the most useful way to die?

A) You are sitting at the edge of a high cliff. Suddenly you hear weird noices and you look behind you. The last thing you see is a Skoda (a czech car) coming towards you. You both fall down the cliff and the car crashes to the ground right before you.
B) You jump from an aeroplane without a parachute, your premise being that flying is, in fact, possible.
C) You decide to become a ninja. You practice your skills in martial arts days in and days out. At last, you feel ready for the final challenge of catching a bullet with your teeth. However, just at that particular moment in time when you take a close look at the approaching bullet in order to capture it, you have a sudden itch in your bottom. Such a distraction is, needless to say, decisive.
D) You become a philosopher. You ponder things more and more every day, until one day you reach your famous theorem to be discussed by generations to come: you discover that breathing is unnecessary, since most parts of nature, like rocks, do not engage in such a vulgar operation either.

5) Which one of these is a useless piece of equipment?

A) A waterproof hair dryer.
B) A solar powered flashlight.
C) A battery-powered battery recharger.
D) An ejection seat for helicopter pilots.
E) A book about Swedish inventions.

6) A,B,C,D,... What comes next?

A) F.
B) 5.
C) H.
D) E.
E) L.
F) 8.

7) You are a 17 year-old female (although I know in reality you are a 47 year-old secratary who's pissed off at her boss and thus spends company time browsing silly web pages like this one). You find yourself at school doing the biology exam. You did not have time to read for the test the previous night, because you had more important matters to address - such as that of gossiping - so you are trying to abuse David, the nerd sitting next to you. The teacher, Mr. Gimmealollypop notices this, places his "Seventeen"magazine on the desk and asks you: "Miss Gossip, what are you looking at in David's paper?". What should you pronounce in order to tend the situation?

A) "I was looking at the question number 6, it's causing me considerable problems."
B) "Nothing, really."
C) "I don't know, maybe I could come over your house tonight and tell you all about it."
D) "$!@#€?¤&£!"
E) "I noticed that David has such a nice pen. An orange pen with little blue rounds around it. This truly awoke my interest."

8) You are a 35 year-old guy. You see a relatively unugly lady walking down the city park. She's wearing red clothes from the shoes to the hat. She's being towed ahead by her two dogs, which are black and white. You fancy spending some quality time with the lovely lady in red, what would be the suitable method of achieving this?

A) You give the lady's dogs two lovely hats. The hats are NATURALLY made by a professional tailor.
B) You buy the lady a new vacuum cleaner.
C) You put your best red suit on and give her some red roses.
D) You go to a store and buy yourself a nice green tuxedo. Then you go to her and hand a red rose.
E) You kick her dogs and say your very sorry about it.

9) Which one of these is the silliest name for a species?

A) Swallow.
B) Shrew.
C) Vole.
D) Nute.
E) Armadillo.



 

NOTE: When you press the "Send" button, you will hopefully be sent to a page which vaguely and arbitrarily speculates the validity of your answers. Push the "Clear" button if you wish to create a situation where you feel like you've made a ton of answering for nothing.